An Indirect Approach to Sibling Conflict
One great way to challenge the sibling conflict problems in a household is to play games with your children. Games are miniature scenarios about real life. Whether you're playing a board game, a card game, or some kind of communication or role playing game, children have to use relational skills.
Playing games can teach children how to win, how to lose, how to show mercy, and how to talk humbly. As you play games with your children, model honor. Have fun and enjoy the game but avoid put downs, bragging, boasting, hurtful revenge, and meanness. That seems to be hard even for some parents these days.
Teach children how to win without being hurtful, how to lose without complaining, how to make a good move with humility, and show honor whether you're winning or losing. Kids need to see these things modeled in games so they can learn how to handle similar situations in life.
Choose your comments wisely as you correct or confront others who may not handle themselves well. You may let some things go, but your comments are important and children learn from the things you say.
You may see selfishness and bad attitudes demonstrate themselves. Look for loving ways to correct while still enjoying the game. Play games regularly and continue to look for ways to communicate honor and challenge dishonoring behavior and words. You'll be surprised at how much you can teach without your children even realizing they're in a classroom.
What are some ways you've been able to teach through games?
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
New Parenting Tip
As I was reading this in my inbox today I realized.....hey, maybe that is how I need to do it??
Teaching Children When You Mean Business
When we teach parents to avoid responding to their children in anger we get a common reaction, "But my kids won't obey unless I get angry."
And you're probably right, but only because you've taught your children to wait until you're angry before they have to obey. You give your kids cues to know when you mean business. Those cues tell your child that it's time to respond because your action point is coming next.
There is a definite connection between action point and anger. Many parents use the energy from anger to finally take action. When parents learn to tighten up their action point, then they don't have to use anger as the motivator. In fact, anger can often be a flag that your action point isn't tight enough.
If you find that you've relying on anger to motivate your children, then it's time to make a change. First, though, you need to develop a new plan. What signals do you want to use to indicate that it's time to clean up, or it's time to go? Maybe you'll use the child's name and obtain eye contact and use the word "now" in the instruction.
When you're ready to make the change, talk with your children. Explain that you have been wrong in teaching them to wait until you get angry before they start obeying. From now on you are going to tell them once, then comes the action. If your child doesn't respond to the new cues then move right to a consequence.
You may use a warning at first as your children are learning to respond to new cues. This helps them see that you mean business, but don't add several warnings or you defeat the purpose. Develop a routine with your kids so that they know when discussion or delays are over and obedience is required.
We don't encourage parents to always demand obedience. Children also learn from negotiation, compromise, and cooperation, but there is a time for children to respond whether they like it or not. Your kids need to know when that is and clarifying your action point will help them learn it.
This tip was taken from the CD series, Eight Secrets to Highly Effective Parenting, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN. You can also learn about an Action Point by reading the book Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids.
Teaching Children When You Mean Business
When we teach parents to avoid responding to their children in anger we get a common reaction, "But my kids won't obey unless I get angry."
And you're probably right, but only because you've taught your children to wait until you're angry before they have to obey. You give your kids cues to know when you mean business. Those cues tell your child that it's time to respond because your action point is coming next.
There is a definite connection between action point and anger. Many parents use the energy from anger to finally take action. When parents learn to tighten up their action point, then they don't have to use anger as the motivator. In fact, anger can often be a flag that your action point isn't tight enough.
If you find that you've relying on anger to motivate your children, then it's time to make a change. First, though, you need to develop a new plan. What signals do you want to use to indicate that it's time to clean up, or it's time to go? Maybe you'll use the child's name and obtain eye contact and use the word "now" in the instruction.
When you're ready to make the change, talk with your children. Explain that you have been wrong in teaching them to wait until you get angry before they start obeying. From now on you are going to tell them once, then comes the action. If your child doesn't respond to the new cues then move right to a consequence.
You may use a warning at first as your children are learning to respond to new cues. This helps them see that you mean business, but don't add several warnings or you defeat the purpose. Develop a routine with your kids so that they know when discussion or delays are over and obedience is required.
We don't encourage parents to always demand obedience. Children also learn from negotiation, compromise, and cooperation, but there is a time for children to respond whether they like it or not. Your kids need to know when that is and clarifying your action point will help them learn it.
This tip was taken from the CD series, Eight Secrets to Highly Effective Parenting, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN. You can also learn about an Action Point by reading the book Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Memory verse for month of January
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Deuteronomy 6:5-7
Big THANKS goes to Jenna for preparing this memory verse for us!!!
Big THANKS goes to Jenna for preparing this memory verse for us!!!
A great tip for moms
Parenting Tip
Be Firm Without Being Harsh
Some parents believe that the only way to be firm is to be harsh. Firmness says that a boundary is secure and won't be crossed without a consequence. Harshness uses angry words and increased volume to make children believe that parents mean what they say. Some parents have assumed that firmness and harshness must go together. One mom said, "The thought of separating the two is like listening to a foreign language—it sounds nice but doesn't make any sense."
How do you make the change? Two things will help you remove harshness from your interaction with your children: Dialogue less and show less emotion. In an attempt to build relationship, some parents spend too much time dialoguing about instructions. They try to defend their words, persuade their children to do what they're told, or logically explain the value of obeying. This is often counterproductive. Parents then resort to anger to end the discussion, complicating matters further.
"But," one mom said, "I thought talking and showing emotion are signs of a healthy family, leading to closeness in family life." And that is true when they are used in the right way. Unfortunately, when added to the instruction process, these two ingredients confuse children and don't give them the clear boundaries they need. These are two good things, just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Firmness requires action, not anger. Having a toolbox of consequences is important to help move children along in life. It's not optional. Some parents use anger as their consequence. These parents need more tools that will help their children make lasting changes.
If you find yourself being harsh, take time to reevaluate your response. More action, less yelling can go a long way to bring about significant change.
What are some ways you've been able to remove harshness from your parenting?
Be Firm Without Being Harsh
Some parents believe that the only way to be firm is to be harsh. Firmness says that a boundary is secure and won't be crossed without a consequence. Harshness uses angry words and increased volume to make children believe that parents mean what they say. Some parents have assumed that firmness and harshness must go together. One mom said, "The thought of separating the two is like listening to a foreign language—it sounds nice but doesn't make any sense."
How do you make the change? Two things will help you remove harshness from your interaction with your children: Dialogue less and show less emotion. In an attempt to build relationship, some parents spend too much time dialoguing about instructions. They try to defend their words, persuade their children to do what they're told, or logically explain the value of obeying. This is often counterproductive. Parents then resort to anger to end the discussion, complicating matters further.
"But," one mom said, "I thought talking and showing emotion are signs of a healthy family, leading to closeness in family life." And that is true when they are used in the right way. Unfortunately, when added to the instruction process, these two ingredients confuse children and don't give them the clear boundaries they need. These are two good things, just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Firmness requires action, not anger. Having a toolbox of consequences is important to help move children along in life. It's not optional. Some parents use anger as their consequence. These parents need more tools that will help their children make lasting changes.
If you find yourself being harsh, take time to reevaluate your response. More action, less yelling can go a long way to bring about significant change.
What are some ways you've been able to remove harshness from your parenting?
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
A reminder to the wonderful moms
STRONG PERSON
A strong person knows how to keep their life in order.
Even with tears in their eyes, they still manage to say "I'm ok" with a smile.
Is always there for you when you need them but doesn't want to bother you with their problems
"Mom, you just need to give it to God"
****Here is the recent email from MOPSInternational******
I Give Up
By Jacy Bowers
It’s the end of the holiday season and I’m just managing to catch my breath. But the call to start the New Year off with a bang still beckons. How do I keep the post-Christmas stress at bay? I have a feeling the answer lies within a recent family lesson.
Just two days before Christmas, my family prepared for a relaxing dinner out as a sort of reward for the busyness we knew would follow. The kids were excited to get out and I was looking forward to a nice dinner with the family, with someone else doing the serving.
"Mom, you just need to give it to God."
But then we received a call from a tenant with a clogged toilet at our rental property. Finding a plumber with good rates and the ability to complete the job before Christmas proved a struggle. Remaining relaxed at our family dinner an hour later when the plumber called to say he’d need to charge more in order to finish the job proved an even bigger struggle.
I got off the phone and couldn’t help but start venting to my husband about the added cost. The stress threatened to bubble over, then my seven-year-old said, “Mom, you just need to give it to God.” Wow, the simple faith out of the mouth of a child. He was exactly right: it was out of my control. I looked at him and decided I was just going to enjoy my yummy food and my precious family. God can handle the rest.
Dear God, thank you for how my child shows me the faith that I need to hear, so simple and honest.
I Give Up
By Jacy Bowers
It’s the end of the holiday season and I’m just managing to catch my breath. But the call to start the New Year off with a bang still beckons. How do I keep the post-Christmas stress at bay? I have a feeling the answer lies within a recent family lesson.
Just two days before Christmas, my family prepared for a relaxing dinner out as a sort of reward for the busyness we knew would follow. The kids were excited to get out and I was looking forward to a nice dinner with the family, with someone else doing the serving.
"Mom, you just need to give it to God."
But then we received a call from a tenant with a clogged toilet at our rental property. Finding a plumber with good rates and the ability to complete the job before Christmas proved a struggle. Remaining relaxed at our family dinner an hour later when the plumber called to say he’d need to charge more in order to finish the job proved an even bigger struggle.
I got off the phone and couldn’t help but start venting to my husband about the added cost. The stress threatened to bubble over, then my seven-year-old said, “Mom, you just need to give it to God.” Wow, the simple faith out of the mouth of a child. He was exactly right: it was out of my control. I looked at him and decided I was just going to enjoy my yummy food and my precious family. God can handle the rest.
Dear God, thank you for how my child shows me the faith that I need to hear, so simple and honest.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Parenting Tips from biblicalparenting.org
Identify the Cues of Anger
Helping children deal with anger is an important task of parenting. Many parents report that there is no time between the trigger and the response in their children. Before we can teach children anger management, we must first help them see anger coming on. James 1:19 says that we should be slow to anger. Here are some ways to help children slow down the process.
Talk about the physical indicators that anger is approaching. These cues are different for each person. You may even use yourself as an example. How can you tell when you're starting to get angry? Maybe it's furrowed eyebrows, tightened facial muscles, rapid breathing, raised shoulders, hollow feeling in the chest, clenched teeth, tightened fists, pursed lips, wide eyes, or a change in tone or pitch of your voice. Identifying these early warning signs of anger can help children feel it coming on before they react.
Point out these early warning signs in others. Virtually all children's animated videos contain exaggerated facial features to depict emotions. Watch a video and point out the times when someone gets angry. How could you tell? This exercise is helpful for identifying one's own cues but also helps children see anger coming on in others. If you teach children how to respond to the anger of others, they can learn to be peacemakers instead of troublemakers.
Take action earlier. Once you see the cues, stop the escalation before it starts. "Bill, it looks like you’re getting upset, come over here and settle down before things get out of hand." Earlier intervention will eventually help your children make those same choices for themselves and teach them how to manage anger in healthy ways.
What are some things you do to help kids see the anger coming on? Click here to tell us about it.
This parenting tip comes from the book, Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
Helping children deal with anger is an important task of parenting. Many parents report that there is no time between the trigger and the response in their children. Before we can teach children anger management, we must first help them see anger coming on. James 1:19 says that we should be slow to anger. Here are some ways to help children slow down the process.
Talk about the physical indicators that anger is approaching. These cues are different for each person. You may even use yourself as an example. How can you tell when you're starting to get angry? Maybe it's furrowed eyebrows, tightened facial muscles, rapid breathing, raised shoulders, hollow feeling in the chest, clenched teeth, tightened fists, pursed lips, wide eyes, or a change in tone or pitch of your voice. Identifying these early warning signs of anger can help children feel it coming on before they react.
Point out these early warning signs in others. Virtually all children's animated videos contain exaggerated facial features to depict emotions. Watch a video and point out the times when someone gets angry. How could you tell? This exercise is helpful for identifying one's own cues but also helps children see anger coming on in others. If you teach children how to respond to the anger of others, they can learn to be peacemakers instead of troublemakers.
Take action earlier. Once you see the cues, stop the escalation before it starts. "Bill, it looks like you’re getting upset, come over here and settle down before things get out of hand." Earlier intervention will eventually help your children make those same choices for themselves and teach them how to manage anger in healthy ways.
What are some things you do to help kids see the anger coming on? Click here to tell us about it.
This parenting tip comes from the book, Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
Check this out for a laugh..........
http://www.expotv.com/client/widget/8e8c07dcd78a7d03f6dab68f264a5f6a.html (If this link doesn't work go here......... http://www.krastfirsttaste.com/
Kraft First Taste is a great website to find coupons and easy recipes. I just love this site!! Clink on the link above and see their newest videos. It's called "You Gotta LOL". Trust me........I did LOL! This lady is great!
Enjoy these to pass your time since we are stuck inside waiting on the beautiful snow to melt!
Kraft First Taste is a great website to find coupons and easy recipes. I just love this site!! Clink on the link above and see their newest videos. It's called "You Gotta LOL". Trust me........I did LOL! This lady is great!
Enjoy these to pass your time since we are stuck inside waiting on the beautiful snow to melt!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
“How Do You Get Any Work Done?”
“How Do You Get Any Work Done?”
By Rozalynn Goodwin
When I tell people I work in the office three days a week and from home two days a week , they first say how impressed they are that my employer offers a flexible work schedule option. Their next response is usually a question: “How do you get any work done?”
I could easily give an answer to that question when my daughter was only months old, sleeping 15 plus hours a day and not crawling or walking. She would occasionally cry or whimper, but as long as she was fed, burped and changed, managing her along with my work and house now seems like it was a piece of German chocolate cake. When I had research to do for my job, I would read papers and articles out loud to her, and she would just sit in her bouncer kicking and giggling with glee. I joke that, at age two, she probably has more knowledge about health care than the average adult!
Oh, those were the days. Now, if she’s quiet and alone in a room for more than a few minutes, there will likely be some unsolicited crayon, milk or Vaseline artwork on our microfiber couch, beige carpet or in books that were not made for coloring.
Mothers who work from home actually juggle three jobs: employee, mother and homemaker, and doing all of these with a mobile preschooler is challenging, but doable. I’ve put a few things into practice that I hope can assist you, whether your work at home is an assignment from an employer or the laundry for the week.
Write an outline for the day. The outline should include scheduled breaks dedicated to time with your child (15 minute breaks and a break for lunch) and naptime (for your child, of course).
Rip the outline to shreds and throw it in the trash can.
Dig in the trash can to recover and piece together the ripped up outline. Although you can’t predict a day with a preschooler, planning for the day still helps.
Make sure you have age-appropriate toys that assist your child in entertaining himself or herself.
Embrace educational TV in moderation. I know many think TV for children is horrible, but certain programs can entertain and educate your children and give you some time to concentrate on work.
Take advantage of time your child is sleeping. I schedule my work to begin before she wakes up and I plan conference calls or work needing my undivided attention during her naptime. I also work “after hours” if necessary, particularly once my husband comes home from work and can care for our daughter.
Get some help. See if there is a “Mommy’s Morning Out” at a church in your neighborhood or ask one of your friends who has some free time during the day to take your child to the park for an hour or two. Also, maybe you can find someone to help you with some household cleaning.
Finally, don’t be so hard on yourself. Often, mothers who work from home feel they are neglecting their children if they are concentrating on their work and that they are neglecting their work if they are concentrating on their children. It is impossible to do and have it all, but I’m sure that you are doing all you can to be the best mother, employee and/or homemaker for your family.
Rozalynn Goodwin is founder of The Motherhood Priority, a non-profit advocacy organization working to strengthen mother-friendly policies in the workplace. She resides in Columbia, SC with her husband, 4 year-old daughter and newborn son. For more information about The Motherhood Priority, visit www.themotherhoodpriority.com.
By Rozalynn Goodwin
When I tell people I work in the office three days a week and from home two days a week , they first say how impressed they are that my employer offers a flexible work schedule option. Their next response is usually a question: “How do you get any work done?”
I could easily give an answer to that question when my daughter was only months old, sleeping 15 plus hours a day and not crawling or walking. She would occasionally cry or whimper, but as long as she was fed, burped and changed, managing her along with my work and house now seems like it was a piece of German chocolate cake. When I had research to do for my job, I would read papers and articles out loud to her, and she would just sit in her bouncer kicking and giggling with glee. I joke that, at age two, she probably has more knowledge about health care than the average adult!
Oh, those were the days. Now, if she’s quiet and alone in a room for more than a few minutes, there will likely be some unsolicited crayon, milk or Vaseline artwork on our microfiber couch, beige carpet or in books that were not made for coloring.
Mothers who work from home actually juggle three jobs: employee, mother and homemaker, and doing all of these with a mobile preschooler is challenging, but doable. I’ve put a few things into practice that I hope can assist you, whether your work at home is an assignment from an employer or the laundry for the week.
Write an outline for the day. The outline should include scheduled breaks dedicated to time with your child (15 minute breaks and a break for lunch) and naptime (for your child, of course).
Rip the outline to shreds and throw it in the trash can.
Dig in the trash can to recover and piece together the ripped up outline. Although you can’t predict a day with a preschooler, planning for the day still helps.
Make sure you have age-appropriate toys that assist your child in entertaining himself or herself.
Embrace educational TV in moderation. I know many think TV for children is horrible, but certain programs can entertain and educate your children and give you some time to concentrate on work.
Take advantage of time your child is sleeping. I schedule my work to begin before she wakes up and I plan conference calls or work needing my undivided attention during her naptime. I also work “after hours” if necessary, particularly once my husband comes home from work and can care for our daughter.
Get some help. See if there is a “Mommy’s Morning Out” at a church in your neighborhood or ask one of your friends who has some free time during the day to take your child to the park for an hour or two. Also, maybe you can find someone to help you with some household cleaning.
Finally, don’t be so hard on yourself. Often, mothers who work from home feel they are neglecting their children if they are concentrating on their work and that they are neglecting their work if they are concentrating on their children. It is impossible to do and have it all, but I’m sure that you are doing all you can to be the best mother, employee and/or homemaker for your family.
Rozalynn Goodwin is founder of The Motherhood Priority, a non-profit advocacy organization working to strengthen mother-friendly policies in the workplace. She resides in Columbia, SC with her husband, 4 year-old daughter and newborn son. For more information about The Motherhood Priority, visit www.themotherhoodpriority.com.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Bringing in the new year!
Well 2011 is finally here!! Reading through my emails I found this great one from MOPS and wanted to share it with those who don't receive the emails.
Enjoy!
A Clean Slate By Tally Flint
January is a very minimalist month for us. After the clutter of December, I want to clear out not only our home, but also my heart. There seems to be something so fresh and clean about a new year.
"With God’s help, I’m looking at a clean slate – completely free of mistakes."
I heard a woman speak once about cultivating a practice of “do-overs” in her family. She told the story of how her young son stormed into the house one day and slammed the door behind him, something she’d asked him repeatedly not to do. She described the angry frustration that bubbled up inside her, and then the thought that challenged her to offer him a “do-over.” He accepted the offer and exited the house, paused a moment, and then reentered, this time closing the door softly behind him. He learned a lesson, and she kept the close connection between them.
Could you use a do-over this year? I could. Good thing God is in the business of do-overs. I love knowing that the less-than-sterling moments of my 2010 don’t have to follow me into 2011. With God’s help, I’m looking at a clean slate – completely free of mistakes. And while I’m sure to start racking those up soon, I cling to the truth that they are not what define me or my mothering. And they’re not what define you either. Here’s to a fresh start!
Dear God, help me to revel in the freshness of a new year. Work through me to mold me into the woman and mother you have called me to be.
Can't wait to see everyone at our next meeting on January 11th! Bring a friend and come ready to have a wonderful chat!
Enjoy!
A Clean Slate By Tally Flint
January is a very minimalist month for us. After the clutter of December, I want to clear out not only our home, but also my heart. There seems to be something so fresh and clean about a new year.
"With God’s help, I’m looking at a clean slate – completely free of mistakes."
I heard a woman speak once about cultivating a practice of “do-overs” in her family. She told the story of how her young son stormed into the house one day and slammed the door behind him, something she’d asked him repeatedly not to do. She described the angry frustration that bubbled up inside her, and then the thought that challenged her to offer him a “do-over.” He accepted the offer and exited the house, paused a moment, and then reentered, this time closing the door softly behind him. He learned a lesson, and she kept the close connection between them.
Could you use a do-over this year? I could. Good thing God is in the business of do-overs. I love knowing that the less-than-sterling moments of my 2010 don’t have to follow me into 2011. With God’s help, I’m looking at a clean slate – completely free of mistakes. And while I’m sure to start racking those up soon, I cling to the truth that they are not what define me or my mothering. And they’re not what define you either. Here’s to a fresh start!
Dear God, help me to revel in the freshness of a new year. Work through me to mold me into the woman and mother you have called me to be.
Can't wait to see everyone at our next meeting on January 11th! Bring a friend and come ready to have a wonderful chat!
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